I haven’t posted an update in four weeks. I have not forgotten you. I have not abandoned Demetri and Noah, nor have I put down my pen. These are the truths I present to you today. No apologies, and no regrets. I bring you my thoughts, because another truth that I would like to highlight more to my benefit is that I am human.
When I neglected an update three weeks ago, I told myself that I would recover when next I had a chance. That life couldn’t possibly keep me away for long and I would be fine; so what that I allowed myself to fall on my own self-care to retreat to the folds of my mind and indulge in creativity? It’s fine, push through, just one more hurdle over this hill.
Then two weeks ago, I was no longer sure where the hill began its descent. What was I even doing with my life? Should I continue on this incline of work and deadlines without stopping for reprieve? Surely if I stopped to write then I would lose momentum on the battlefield of duty and diligence. Push through, you’ll catch up.
And last week.
I haven’t caught up.
The truth that I bring to you today is that I have been wading through a murkiness. I am a graduate student completing clinical rotations and full-time classes, and I am a manager by employment. That by itself is enough to keep me weighed. Recently however, I have also been under duress of significant health changes and scares (to which I still have no answers).
I gave up on my idea of time somewhere in the wading pool of this swamp. I lost track, and worst of all, I became my own judgement and deadline. You should be writing. You should update. You are letting people down.
Enough. Why do we beat ourselves up over not engaging in that which used to bring us joy and comfort? Has hobby turned burden and chore? We are a doomed people if this is truth.
So what can we do? I am asking a lot of you, dear reader, and if you are still with me then know I do not intend to burden you with my rhetoric. I ask this of myself, and in so doing, I seek resolve and forgiveness from myself; as should you for the burdens you place on yourself.
For now, I will manage my murk, and I will return to this reprieve with clarity of mind. When next I update, it will be with extra content as a reward for my own journey’s progress. I hope you will stay with me until then.
See you next weekend.